"Sometimes you have to learn to love what's good for you."

So I went to see New Moon yesterday and this quote stood out from any other line in the movie. I came home and it's been in my head since...

First I really thought it made sense, duh! Everyone is looking for the fairy tale love, sweep you off your feet, make your knees tremble kind of love. I am no exception to this. I had my first official boyfriend when I was in 8th grade. Every since then, I put everything I have into a relationship. They are great in the "new car" aka first few months, phase. Everything is (barf) just perfect. But than reality sets in and you start to notice the imperfections in that person. Eventually something happens and you break up/ divorce/cheat/ or get cheated on... Then you MIGHT be left with a friend or an enemy. Either way, it's not that perfect love.

I have been in enough relationships that always turn bad to know that there is no such thing as a good one. They all have there issues and flaws. That is why relationships are work, they take time, patience, and understanding. Most people won't put in the time to make them great. AND it isn't one sided, they take work from BOTH involved. 

Boy I have had my fair share of failures... lol. It is what it is. I don't regret any of them, bad or good, they made me who I am today.

Anyways, maybe what is best for me is staring me right in the face, and I just have to learn to love it truly... and maybe it isn't... maybe my soul mate committed suicide a LONG time ago... idk

My Christmas...

So this may be one of those bitch and moan blogs, so excuse me and quit reading if you don't care to read my problems... This week has been incredibly lonely. Even with my girls here, I have felt empty.

I hate being alone! I have tried, any of my friends can speak to this... I tried... So today I take the girls to their dads house, and I drive 2 hours home. I am so stressed about being alone that I stop at the movie theater and see New Moon. Loved it btw... I am going back and forth in my head, I am strong, who could have come to a movie alone, not many. Yet I am weak because as soon as the credits start, I hurry the f*** out of there, for fear that someone might spot me there alone. It's funny though, I use to eat alone all the time, McDonald's, Passkeys, anywhere I was hungry for and didn't have anyone to join me. Maybe I was scared I was the only person alone today, Christmas of all days, a holiday meant for sharing with the one's you love.

Don't get me wrong, I had several offers to spend Christmas with friends, but they were all having various family members over, and I am to crash a family party nor would I be much of a talker... I tend to freeze up and become shy, just ask people from my past. I can't talk to people I don't know. I literally can't get the words out, nor can I make eye contact. Plus I didn't want to be the pathetic friend with no where to go...

So my bitching is done, and I feel much better... time for Aqua Teen Hunger Force and Boondocks and some more adult beverage complimented with a roll of Beef Summer Sausage... till next time...

Domanic James Hamby

So today I spent about 8 hours with my nephew DJ. I forgot how much I loved babies till he was born. Remi, my youngest is already 7, and I forget how wonderful babies are. Even working with babies all day at work, I just don't love them to the degree I do DJ and my girls. He is just over a month old and perfect. He is losing his hair on top, like an old man, so cute! I am so thankful for him. My brother and his wife have been trying for 8 years now to get pregnant. She had no huge problems during her pregnancy. I'm just hoping that being a dad will lite a fire under my brothers butt to get his life straightened out. We will see... I know I will be blogging about this many times... As always, thanks for reading... :)

Introduction into my crazy life...

Well hello... thanks for stopping by my blog... I tried to blog once before but never finished even a posting. I use to write in a journal and thought maybe this would be fun to try. Let me introduce myself.

My name is Crystal. I am the mother of two girls: Courtney who is 9 and Remington (Remi) who turned 7 on Halloween. I am a divorced parent, I work as a Infant/ Toddler teacher of children whom parents are teen moms. Three hours a week we model appropriate parenting skills with the mothers. I also teach a parenting program two nights a week, I love this job, it rocks!

I have a Bachelor's degree and a Associates Degree in Early Childhood Education. I have worked most of my adult life in this field, minus the short 3 months I worked in a Funeral Home, loved this job the most it just didn't pay at all. :( I am thinking of returning to school to earn a degree in Early Childhood Leadership or going back for a Political Science degree or a law degree... I'm unsure right now... either way, sounds like school is in my future.

I have been divorced for almost 4 years. We have our moments, but for the most part (like 90%) of the time he is a really great dad. We were married for 5 years and together a total of 7 years. We get a long... not all the time, but most of the time.

I am the youngest of two children, my brother is married and they just had the joy of having their first child, a son DJ. I didn't think I could love a child as much as my own till the first time I held DJ. He is perfect! My father passed away on November 25, 2001. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss him, even with a rocky childhood. My mother is around and is good. I find myself wanting to work on this relationship the most, but not knowing where to start... go figure!

I am quiet and shy at first, then I tend to be up front and blunt about things. Most of my friends are guys, with a few close girlfriends, and a handful of friends who are girls, but not super close. Most of those relationships have become distant because of their doing, not mine. I TRY to live with no regrets, but haven't found that so easy lately.

Wanna know anything more? Just ask...